As 'Carrie' releases, Indians talk about the effects of bullying, and how to handle it

Disha Pawar remembers the colour pink It was once her favourite shymdash her bag belongings and little treasures reflected it Then one day a classmate told her boys did not like girls who wore pink It was too girly too childish Pawar began putting the colour away pretending black was her favourite instead It seemed a small concession to fit in But it was also the beginning of changing herself for people who had made her feel she was not ldquoenoughrdquoThe 22yearold filmmaker had been bullied since Class 8 for her short boyish haircut with classmates using transphobic slurs to humiliate her Being a school topper and receiving opportunities to represent her school made her a target too Teachersrsquo appreciation became another reason for her classmates to call her a favouriteldquoSomewhere I feel they used to enjoy it a lotrdquo Pawar recalls ldquoThere has to be some reason to tease somebody right And you just have to find a reason or make one up to bully someonerdquo Looking back she suspects her classmates were projecting their own insecurities onto her But for her it changed how she saw herselfDisha PawarldquoI started seeking validation attention from these people I became what you now call a lsquopick mersquordquo she says She hoped that if her bullies accepted her she would finally feel good enoughThe world of Carrie a new series on Prime Video explores the devastating consequences of such humiliation At its heart is a teenage girl Carrietta White whose experiences of bullying and rejection expose the cruelty that can flourish when empathy disappears The story forces us to confront what happens when someone is repeatedly made to feel powerless Why do people who feel diminished sometimes try to diminish someone elseChild psychologist Riddhi Doshi Patel who works closely with parents and teenagers and speaks about bullying in schools and NGOs believes control is a significant part of the answerRiddhi PatelldquoBecause that is something in their control when nothing else isrdquo she explains At an age when expectations from parents peers schools and society are mounting social status and belonging can become powerful currencies Humiliating another person can offer a temporary sense of powerldquoThey are unable to foresee the consequences of their behaviours Being into the world of AI and social media where everything is 3040 seconds they are unable to conceptualise or think ahead of the immediate momentrdquo Patel saysThe desire to belong can be equally powerful on the receiving end Pawar says she began measuring herself against the very people who bullied her changing her appearance and preferences to win their approval What began as someone elsersquos cruelty gradually became selfdoubtPatel has encountered another form of bullying that can be difficult to recognise mdash exclusion In one case a group of girls would discuss parties in front of a classmate emphasising that she had not been invited before moving elsewhere to continue the conversation There were no obvious insults but the repeated rejection left the girl crying and increasingly anxious about going to schoolldquoItrsquos so difficult for them to accept lonelinessrdquo Patel says describing the effect of constantly being rejected Such experiences can make teenagers question their worth even when the cruelty is never openly acknowledgedThe cycle can also turn victims into perpetrators Patel describes how the humiliation carried by a bullied child can later be directed at someone more vulnerable Having experienced powerlessness they may seek control over another person using the same behaviour that once hurt them This is not inevitable but it shows how unaddressed pain can be repeatedThat does not mean every bully is unhappy or that insecurity excuses cruelty Pawar remembers classmates who appeared to enjoy targeting her without considering its consequences Understanding what might drive their behaviour does not erase the harm ldquoIt was a fun activity for some of them It did not stem out of deep thingsrdquo Pawar saysSo where does intervention begin Patel believes the home must be a place where children are accepted without constant comparison Her three As are acceptance acknowledgement and appreciation ldquoChildren must also learn to say no approach a teacher speak to their parents and seek adult intervention when bullying continues Counselling can help when distress selfdoubt or anxiety becomes difficult to manage while children who bully may also need support to understand their behaviour and take responsibility for itrdquo she adds furtherPawar wishes someone had told her that she did not need to prove herself to the people who hurt her ldquoI feel as teenagers we are very messed up creatures and if someone would have just come and told me you are best the way you are it would have made a different change into me The whole point is that you need to prove yourself You need to be betterrdquo she adds ldquoThey need to understand that nobody can be the best at everything Everybody grows in theirown waysrdquoAs seen in the main antagonist Chris Hargensen in Carrie pain can explain why someone lashes out but it cannot absolve them of responsibility Empathy begins when we recognise another personrsquos suffering it deepens when we examine our own actions too Without that reckoning the person who once felt powerless may eventually become the one holding the power And somebody else could pay for itWhat do the numbers sayAccording to a Power of Zero report in 2024 around 85 per cent of children in India have reported experiencing cyberbullying mdash ranking the highest globally mdash while general school bullying and harassment affects roughly 36 per cent to 42 per cent of schoolgoing students Nearly onethird which is 33 per cent of teenagers aged 11 to 17 experience school bullying worldwide according to the latest data from UNESCO and the United Nations While traditional forms of bullying may be decreasing data shows that cyberbullying has nearly doubled globally in the past five yearslsquoNot every action deserves a reactionrsquoInfluencer Feni Shah teaches her sixyearold son how to handle bullying as he grows upFeni Shah with son PavitFor Feni Shah teaching her sixyearold son Pavit to handle bullying begins with helping him understand that he cannot control others only his own response She while documenting their motherhood journey on Instagram page Mom20twenty started these conversations after her son faced exclusion and comments about his curly hair We faced these situations both in our building and at school where children would say things like ldquoYoursquore not invited to the birthday partyrdquo and ldquoWe donrsquot want to play with yourdquoldquoSometimes children tease others to get a reaction So I teach him not to give them the reaction theyrsquore looking for and to walk away when neededrdquo she says Shah uses roleplay to prepare him for situations such as being told ldquoI donrsquot want to play with yourdquo or ldquoYour dress is uglyrdquo However standing up for oneself should not mean retaliating ldquoHe can be strong set boundaries and still choose kindnessrdquo she says adding that she wants her son to know she will always be his safe placeShah recalls that he sometimes reacted physically when other children upset him ldquoNot every action deserves a reactionrdquo she explains teaching him that responding with aggression could leave him at fault She also cautions parents against dismissing bullying with ldquoTheyrsquore just kidsrdquo or ldquoItrsquos not a big dealrdquo Parents must notice behavioural changes and listen carefully she says ldquoWhat matters is the pattern and how deeply it affects the child Our children should know that their feelings matter and that they never have to face anything alonerdquoWho is CarrieSummer H Howell in Carrie as Carrietta lsquoCarriersquo WhiteStephen Kingrsquos Carrie first published in 1974 has returned in a new eightpart Prime Video adaptation by Mike Flanagan bringing its halfcenturyold anxieties about teenage cruelty into the age of cyberbullying Carrie White a socially isolated teenager entering public high school for the first time becomes the subject of a viral bullying scandal after classmates film her distress during a humiliating incident in the school locker room and share it online She is also gifted with telekinesis and is often overpowered by her controlling motherFlanaganrsquos adaptation expands on Kingrsquos central concerns with the consequences of cruelty and the failure of empathy It points to how ordinary acts of humiliation the complicity of those watching into something devastating Carrietta Whitersquos school and town both burn when she realises her powers and finally snaps taking down both good and bad people around her In a world driven by online approval Carrie seeks to portray the terror of being a young scared teenager in a daunting world